I’ve shed some tears this morning as some reality of all the things hit me. I’ve been on tamoxifen for 6 months. I know I’m looking at 10 years of this. For the first 6 months side effects were minimal, maybe some hot flashes here and there. This past week lower back pain and calf cramps have started. The calf is so tight it feels like someone is squeezing it constantly. The back pain comes in quick random stabs so my body can’t relax because it is constantly wondering when the next one is coming. I move around like I’m double my age.
Don’t give me much sympathy. I don’t do nearly enough movement in the day. Movement would probably make me feel better but movement also makes me feel worse.
It’s like I’m on a ferris wheel that I want off of but they closed the park and left me on the ride. I know what I need to do but it’s so hard to get motivated because of the very reason that I need to do it. Just like the Ferris wheel I just keep passing the loading gate, over and over and over.
I know this could be worse and I am grateful this is all I’m dealing with. It’s just annoying you know. It’s annoying to realize it’s probably tamoxifen related. It’s annoying to look and see if they switched brands on me. It’s annoying to try and figure out the magic remedy. It’s so annoying that it makes me cry.
I am asking myself where is the humor in this…back pain on left side, calf pain on right side. Maybe I’ll make a new dance out of reacting to the pain. 🤷🏻♀️
I also just realized that a month ago I was having my third surgery in just a little over a year. Guess I need to use that patience/grace that Carl tries to remind me of.
P.S. If you are on Tamoxifen and having the leg symptoms I describe contact your doctor immediately. This ended up being a blood clot. Blood closets are a side effect of Tamoxifen.
