5:43 AM Today is the birthday of my friend Mandy. I chose that as my first thought this morning instead of declaring it the day I start chemo. I was very restless yesterday and have been since all this cancer stuff has started. I have not been able to get into a routine which is crucial for me. I hoping now that I am starting chemo I can find a stride. Never thought I would be wishing for chemo to start so that I could establish a routine.
In the morning I try to read and write a bit. I’ve been reading Love, Medicine and Miracle by Dr. Bernie S. Siegel. I would recommend this to anyone who is trying to heal. A quote the author shared is really sticking with me today.
“I believe in the sun even when it does not shine.
I believe in love even when it’s not shown.
I believe in God, even when he does not speak”
~Holocaust SURVIVOR
This reminds me of a time when someone encouraged me to think of God or a higher being like the wind. I cannot see the wind but I know it is there because I can feel it on my face, I can feel it move my hair and I can see it shake the leaves on the tree. I thought about that this morning when I was writing and it helped me turn my worries about this process over. I am asking for help to not pick up the energy of others in the treatment room if it doesn’t serve me. I am asking that I can be the kind of energy others may need.
Kicking off Chemo #1
I was very nervous when we arrived. Lab work comes first and I was very happy we could use my port for that. No trauma for anyone over a blood draw this time. I learned a trick for when they access my port. It helps if you suck on hard candy when they do the flush. If you don’t it will taste like you are sucking on an alcohol pad.
When labs are done you are sent back to the waiting room until a different nurse snags you up. This one takes your vitals. Labs and vitals are done before every chemo treatment. It’s like a test you have to pass before you can move on to having treatment. Siteman is building a new facility and I will only have two treatments in this room. I am hopeful the next facility will be more comfortable. There is not much space in it and they ask that anyone with you sit across from you about 10 feet away. When they asked Carl to move to the chair across from me I wasn’t able to hold in the tears. I needed him right next to me and I mouthed to him “I don’t like this.” He mouthed back “It’s okay. I am right here.” Luckily we had an educational video we had to watch on the Neulasta patch so he got to come back over and they let him stay there.
While I was watching the video they started the pre-meds. This includes steroids and other medicines to help make the actual treatment tolerable. I’ve also been been prescribed meds to take days before I arrive and for the days following treatment. Once pre-meds are done the nurse dresses in full protective equipment. It reminded me of Meryl Strep in Silkwood. A bit scary that they need that much protection just in case it spills on them and yet it’s being injected inside of me.
The Adriamycin is commonly called the “Red Devil”. It’s an aggressive drug and I was warned it can “bring people to their knees”.
I told Dr. Chemo Man that I would be calling it Wonder Woman Juice instead.
Wonder Woman Juice requires a slow manual push into my port which is what is happening in this picture. I chewed on ice while they did it to help reduce the chance of mouth sores. Immediately following the dose I went to the bathroom to flush it out. I had already been warned that this makes your urine bright red so I wasn’t alarmed by that. Somewhere I got it in my mind using the bathroom immediately after helps reduce the side effects. I don’t know if works or not but since I also drank a lot of water I figure it wasn’t going to hurt to flush it out. That’s another tip I have stumbled on, drink a lot of water before treatments. We shall see if it helps or not.
After the Wonder Woman juice they start Cytoxan. It’s administered through the machine and lines on my chemo pole. This machine can be an annoying little gadget because it beeps often. At this point all we can do is wait. If you are ever in this situation plan on being at the treatment for quiet some time. I tried making a chemo friend with the older man next to me by offering him some of my snacks because he growled at the nurse he needed something to eat. He wasn’t interested in my snacks or my friendship. I was kind of looking forward to making a chemo friend. Not happening today. Next treatment is on New Year’s Eve and Tammy is going to be my Uber so I think I will plan a New Year’s Eve party for us.
