I’ve approached this journey so far with mostly a zen attitude. I’ve not understood the fight mentality because I thought the fight was with my body. How could I fight my own body? Yesterday that changed when I heard fellow pink sister, Davina, passed.
Yesterday, I got pissed. I’m pissed that she was only 40 by a matter of like 5 days and she had to leave her husband and two children. I’m pissed that her gang of girlfriends had to say goodbye. I’m pissed that she had to spend time fighting insurance companies just to have a better quality of life. I’m pissed that women aren’t recommended to get screenings until they are 40 and she was younger than that when she was diagnosed. I’m just pissed.
In the coming days and months please keep Davina’s family and friends in your thoughts and prayers. This girl knew how to love. It truly was beautiful even from afar to see the bonds she formed with people, how she loved them and how they loved her back.
I didn’t know Davina outside of conversations on social media and talking to her around town so I can’t share a specific memory. She and Carl bonded over craft beer but that is his story to tell not mine. What I can share is how she could make a person feel. She has a smile that makes you feel like you are standing in the sunlight and with her first hello you felt like she had known you forever. She’s one of those people that when reflecting on it I believe she was already an angel while she was here. She made people feel better even if it was just because of seeing one of her sunshine smiles.
Through this shared pink sisterhood we did exchange some encouragements and conversation about the journey we were on. I think though the biggest impact she is having on me is that knowing her sunshine smile won’t be seen anymore, it has lit a fire in my heart. Her fight is my fight and my fight is the fight of the others who have fought before us and those who unfortunately will fight after us.
How my fight spirit will manifest is yet to be seen but I know that one way is I’m done being a passive passenger on this journey I’ve been on. Today I left my home with my uncle at 5am to head to a hospital about an hour and half away for my port placement. The procedure went well but was a strange procedure. I was awake for it but couldn’t feel what they were doing. Very strange feeling. I was done at approximately 9:15 am. By 10am I was being asked to do an echocardiogram later today at 1pm back in my hometown. I had literally just left from the port procedure when I got the call. The medicine for the port placement was starting to wear off and I didn’t feel very good. I rescheduled that echo. There was no way I could have them pressing down on my chest where I had just had incisions made to place a port. Before yesterday, I would have just taken a suck it up buttercup attitude and been miserable. Not today, I listened to my body.
Sometimes the immediacy of appointments is necessary but other times I will have to say pause that can wait a day or two. I know now the fight is not with my body it’s for all the bodies.
