One year ago, from afar I was looking up to you. I was saying to myself “I’m not alone. She is going through this too.” And then, you weren’t. So instead of learning the tips of the trade and messaging back and forth as we had started to do, I was feeling such deep sadness for people that loved you so very fiercely. Honestly I was also afraid. My peace, love, laughter mantra hadn’t left room for when my heroes were physically gone. You were gone and then just a few short days later a childhood friend was gone too. As he took his last breaths I was taking my first dose of Wonder Woman juice. I was starting and quickly being reminded that there could be an ending.
What do you do when your heroes are gone? Your tears are a little bit bigger. The fear is a little bit more suffocating. The drive is so much deeper. My determination to fight was stronger because I was not just fighting my fight, I was now fighting for your fight. As you know I’ve talked to you many times this past year. I’ve apologized. I’ve told you I don’t know why these things happen like they do. I’ve made promises. There’s so much not good that this thing brings to the table but the beautifulness that it brings is the sisterhood. Ours ended way too early but because your journey took a different road than mine doesn’t stop that you are one of my heroes. It didn’t stop me from turning to you from time to time and it didn’t stop you from shining that bright sunshine smile my way when I needed it most.
I hope your loved ones had moments today through their sadness that they also felt like they were walking in a sunshine daydream that was warmed by all the memories of your smile. Your smile reached farther than you probably know.
