Chemo Out

by Val

I have at least 1 hour and 10 minutes left. It is quiet for the most part. Nobody has visitors. I’m sad for the people just starting treatment that they can’t have anyone with them. 

I’ve been sitting here in silence and also talking to a gentleman. I’m soaking it it all in but strangely each time someone talks about it being my last time I find myself fighting back a tear. 

I get emotional when people talk about all that I’ve gone through. And I think I’m going to cry when I ring the bell. Like maybe ugly cry. But that’s ok.

My Uber driver today is Carl. He started this journey with me and I wanted him to be the one ending it with me. He is my rock. He brings me back when I’m taking life too serious. He holds me when I cry. He tries to protect me and that reminds me it is ok to lean on someone. He has said he is proud of me and that makes me tear up. I’m proud to be his wife. 

Bell ringings are happening. I know of at least 3 if not 4 ringing the bell today.  I just saw a swarm go to do one. Kind of reminded me of a birthday at a restaurant.

I gave out angels and again it seemed to go over really well!

I’m going to be getting a break from anything else for at least 2 weeks but maybe 6. I may do one more weekly update but from there post may be more in the transparent line. I want to keep writing. I need to keep writing but I don’t know what form that will take.

Chemo man said I have done excellent. He was wearing the beads I gave him and signing a song with a little pep in his step too. He said that one reason I have done so excellent is because of my support system. He only saw 3 of my squad. He has no idea the support I really have. The interactions I had with others in my Val’s Squad Facebook group has mattered and I have been working on paying it forward already. Thank you!

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